at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
