If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
