I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
