HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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