so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
