so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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