I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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