you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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