My pussy is not your playground.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
