I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
