I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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