Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
