You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize