he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
