JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
