I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
