i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish you could order shots online.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
