I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
