So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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