Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
