I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Alive.
So much puke
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
