I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
