I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
