Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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