This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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