So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
