Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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