Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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