One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
