Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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