Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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