Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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