I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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