Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
