That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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