My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
