covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
