The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
nutella sex= disaster
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
