Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
