sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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