His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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