I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
