Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
