And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
