My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
