Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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