I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
