my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
