she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
