I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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