Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
