Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
