you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
