this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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