OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
