Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
