you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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