when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
