Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
