I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
