If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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