she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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