Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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