just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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