I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
