you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
