I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
