If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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