a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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