broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
