i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just high enough for therapy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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