hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
