He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's blow job season.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
