Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
