Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
