wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
